To Hell and Back

A typical turi

I visited hell and narrowly escaped, so thought I would share my worst travel experience in Cambodia thus far. Traveling in this country is always a huge pain, so for this to be the most terrible ride in 15 months truly speaks volumes.

I made an impromptu trip to Phnom Penh earlier this week because I had to buy new running shoes. I'm training for the half-marathon at Angkor Wat in December, and my year-old running shoes have taken quite the beating. So to prevent future injuries, I decided to go to PP before the Pchum Ben holiday so that I could return to site to celebrate with my family. "Just a quick, simple trip to PP" I naively thought. Nothing is ever simple when it comes to transport here.

I normally take taxi cars, as opposed to the vans (lahn turi in Kmai) because it's just a better overall experience; although I'm cramped, I have a seat, it's air conditioned, and it's usually faster. But yesterday I was forced to take a turi because the taxis were charging ridiculously inflated prices due to the approaching holiday. So I reluctantly hopped in a decrepit van stuffed with WAY too many people. There were no open seats, so I was forced to sit going backwards on a makeshift "bench" that had tools and other miscellaneous items underneath. This bench (directly behind the driver and overstuffed passengers in the front) was maybe 5 inches wide, and I was sitting face-to-face, knee-to-knee with a sweaty Kmai man. To my right was a policeman with some indiscernible protuberance in his lap. 10 minutes into the ride and I was already extremely uncomfortable, both due to random shooting pains and chronic staring from the 30 or so passengers analyzing and conversing about me in Kmai.

20 minutes or so into the ride, the policeman next to me takes out a plastic bag and reveals the mystery item in his lap, which turns out to be a live chicken. GREAAAAAAT. He ties the chicken's feet together and places him in the bag, with the head left out to get some air. The chicken, also curious about the mysterious foreigner in the van, decides to peck at me to get a little better acquainted. I tried to shoo the chicken away, but his curiosity couldn't be quelled. I hoped the van would move faster, but it was the day before one of the biggest holidays in Cambodia and we were stuck in major traffic. There I am, just trying to maintain my seated position in the least pain possible, inappropriately intertwined with the legs of the Kmai man sitting across from me while the chicken next to me relentlessly pecks and his owner thinks it's the funniest thing he's ever seen. Live comedy show.

We finally get to the ferry and I am eager to get out and stretch my legs, but sure enough the passengers on the roof beat me to the punch. They decide to get their own circulation flowing and lazily extend their legs over the window, preventing my escape from the van from hell. So now I'm stuck in the van, in my warped position, with absolutely no breeze. I try to forget about the fact that I've had to go to the ladies' room before we even left.

We make it across the ferry and continue our voyage back to Svay Rieng. But of course there are passengers and packages to drop off along the way. We make multiple stops, but just when we are so close to Svay Rieng that I can visualize myself crawling into my mosquito net and passing out, we have another setback. The door to the van has fallen off and the driver/roof passengers attempt to reattach it. I am sitting directly next to the door, hoping that the door somehow doesn't crush me in the futile attempts to fully seal us off in the doom-mobile. The driver realizes he is facing a losing battle, so we continue with the door ajar. Meanwhile, the chicken is now aware that his window of opportunity for escape has arrived. He is furiously cooing and thrashing about in an attempt to not become Mr. Policeman's dinner. Unfortunately for me, I am the barrier to his getaway due to my placement next to the open air that would normally be prohibited from entering by a door. His pecking becomes increasingly violent and I can see the anger in his eyes. Get me out of this van.

We are so close, but have to stop to pay off the policemen, a routine occurrence in Cambodia. My new best friend across from me has been smattering his limited English vocabulary throughout this expedition, and is inspired to string together his observations about Cambodia- "Corruption traditional in Cambodia." The entire van erupts in laughter! So funny! So funny that the poorest people in the country are the ones that always seem to have to pay the police the most during these routine cash transfers. Tired, frustrated and uncomfortable, I was the only one not laughing in the van. Aside from the fact that a police officer with a gun on his holster was sitting next to me with his devil chicken, I didn't feel like getting into a long discussion in Kmai about why corruption jokes are not particularly funny here. So I held my tongue.

The icing on the cake was when the van refused to drop me off near the market. Instead, they left me on the side of the road on the highway, which is a hefty walk from my house. However, I couldn't have been happier to get out of that van and stretch my legs a bit. After a 5 hour journey which normally takes 2.5, I was finally home.

So what are the lessons learned?

-no more vans
-no sitting next to people with mystery surprises in their lap
-no traveling before Pchum Ben (easily avoidable since this is my last Pchum Ben in Peace Corps!)
-corruption is hilarious (to Cambodians)

Just another day in the Bode!