Kim Sokjacqueline

Kim Sokjacqueline is the name of my new host sister! It took me a while to realize that this was actually the name that my host mother gave her very new and very tiny baby girl. I was absolutely taken aback with the overwhelming implications of this namesake.

We were sitting at dinner about a week ago and I kept hearing my host family refer to the baby as "Lyn." I started joking with them and telling them they had finally followed my advice and named the baby Jacqueline, a recurring joke among my host family for the past month. My normally cheerful host mother's face immediately became somber, without the faintest hint of her normal sprightliness. "Yes, we did." She continued to tell me that by naming the baby Jacqueline, the family will not miss me as much and that she will have one daughter, Nisa (my Kmai name), in America, and another, Sokjacqueline, at home. As much as I tried to hold back my tears (crying is a cultural faux pas here), I just couldn't. The tears came flowing, along with waterfalls from the eyes of my host mother and sister.

Sometimes (ok, many times) us Peace Corps volunteers wonder what we're doing here. Have we made an impact? Has it been a waste of time? The trite aphorism that is pushed upon us by Peace Corps staff and former Peace Corps volunteers is "You really just don't know what kind of an impact you have had until much later on." We half-realize this, roll our eyes a little bit, and secretly think, "No, not for me. I am gonna SEE my impact. I totally am." At least at the beginning. As time goes on, you start to realize reality is piercing your naivete and idealism as the days creep forward. Maybe I haven't made any impact. I am teaching and simultaneously learning, but where is my impact? Why am I not seeing results?

And then someone names a child after you. Then you meet up with a former student who tells you that despite everyone around them cheating, they were able to take their exam and rely on their own wits instead of bribing a teacher. Your co-teachers tell you how much you will be missed and that they wish you had another year to work together and attend wedding parties and dance Kmai style. Your host sister decides to move to Phnom Penh to study because she finally has received the praise and encouragement that her family somehow missed showering upon her. There is your impact that you were so furiously in search of, and the best part is you have no idea how far it might extend.

Saving the world? No way. Although I constantly hear this phrase linked to Peace Corps volunteers, it mistakenly conjures up Mother Theresa-like imagery or Ghandi hunger strikes. That's not what we're doing nor should it be. But making an impact? Each of us has definitely been able to do that, even if it may be through a simple conversation or two. Furthermore, the impact that has been imparted on us is something that no other experience could teach us. It's through these kinds of lessons that we become more tolerant, culturally-sensitive, and appreciative of the beauty of humankind, yet aware of the vices that often coincide.

"You really just don't know what kind of an impact you have had until much later on." The best truism I've ever heard.