So long, Farewell

After one of the craziest months of my life, I am sitting in the Peace Corps office writing this as a new RPCV (Returned Peace Corps Volunteer; although I haven't yet returned, the necessary paperwork is signed, sealed and delivered). Between the LSAT, wrapping up things at site/Peace Corps paperwork and stool samples (yes, I know... I was just as disgusted doing it as you are reading this), finalizing my travel plans, stocking up on items before I am overwhelmed by price tags at home, and an amazing visit from my friends May, Brooke and Paige, my life has been pretty chaotic with emotions ranging from melancholy to elation.

My friends' visit was absolutely wonderful and it was a really interesting way to analyze how transformational this experience has been. May and Brooke flew into Ho Chi Minh and took a bus to my site. As soon as we got on a tuk tuk, I was giving them a crash course on how to politely say 'hello' (Joom reap sua) to my host family. The second night of their arrival was my going away party, which was one of the most emotional, yet amazing, parties I have ever had the privilege to partake in. My host family surprised me with this $40 sign they had made for me in Kmai, which roughly translated to "A party for our daughter Jacqueline (Nisa)." My host family made sure to take care of all the party preparations, which included preparing food, setting up tables and chairs, and everything else that I didn't even know needed to be prepped for an authentic Kmai be'te jub'lian (party).

As I was the host, I had to greet all the guests and make sure everyone had enough food, beer, etc. I was running around like a chicken with its head cut off (a perfect analogy as actual chickens were decapitated as part of the party preparations). Almost everyone I invited showed up, ranging from teachers to my students to the entire neighborhood. I'd say that at its peak, the party boasted around 80 people; not too shabby, eh? After a few beers, the levy that was protecting my tears could no longer hold them back and they came gushing forth. I am pretty sure every single guest saw me cry, but instead of being freaked out like I thought they'd be, they seemed extremely flattered that each of them was a part of the reason why I was so emotional to leave. And no one quite reciprocated my emotions as powerfully as my host mother.

The next morning as I was getting ready to leave my wonderful home for the last two years, my host mother emerged from her room with severely blood shot eyes. Apparently, she had been crying all morning and she just came up to me and embraced me, shaking with sobs and continually telling me how much she loved me. My host sisters and brother came over and joined the group embrace, as well as my host grandmother. We were a big blob of tears, intertwined in the hopes that our memories and relationship will continue to remain a deep part of our lives. My host mother kept saying that I MUST come back to visit very soon, setting a ceiling of 2 years. I looked over to May and Brooke and their eyes glimmered with hints of tears; they later told me it was one of the most touching moments they had ever seen.

After a very prolonged goodbye, I set out with May, Brooke and another PCV, Jeremy, toward Phnom Penh. Looking out at the meager and shabby shacks juxtaposed against the lush rice paddies and beautiful bright blue sky, I couldn't help but think of the striking symbolism in that scene: despite the confusion and hardship throughout my two years here, the larger picture was a scene of true beauty and simplicity. Whenever I reflect back on my time in Cambodia, I have a feeling those rice paddies will pop up.

Traveling with my friends was great. They were eager to learn about Cambodian culture and by the end of the trip, I realized just how extensive my knowledge about Cambodia has become over the last two years. I also realized how amazing human beings are in their ability to adapt. When I first got here, I probably thought some of the same things my things my friends thought while they were visiting: This traffic is insane. These smells are nauseating. Are those chickens? Damn, those cows are skinny! Do I really use that sprayer to wipe? But as each day unfolds, we adapt. And it's a beautiful thing. We learn to adjust. We learn to open our minds. Or at least some of us do. You've absolutely got to be flexible in Peace Corps and in life in general. What an amazing lesson to learn while still in my early 20's. I feel like I'm already quite a few steps ahead of many of my peers.

And what about the rest of my life lessons while serving in the Peace Corps? Well, I think I need to get back to the good ol' USA to really absorb all of it and reflect. It's an incredibly powerful feeling to have lived in a place as fascinating and equally frustrating as Cambodia for two years. Not only did I live here, but I found my niche here. I have a second family in a little town in south-eastern Cambodia who loves me just the same as if I were their own flesh and blood. How many people can say that? There is no way an experience like this can allow any person to look at the world with quite the same lenses as they did before they came. For this and many other reasons, I will forever cherish my time in Cambodia and the relationships I have built. If the people I have encountered along the way feel half the enthusiasm and appreciation that they have shown me, I will feel utterly delighted and accomplished.

So what's next? I do what I do best: give it my all and continue to adapt to whatever life throws my way.

Cambodia, you will forever remain with me.

Some pics from the last few weeks:

Kim Sokjacqueline

Kim Sokjacqueline is the name of my new host sister! It took me a while to realize that this was actually the name that my host mother gave her very new and very tiny baby girl. I was absolutely taken aback with the overwhelming implications of this namesake.

We were sitting at dinner about a week ago and I kept hearing my host family refer to the baby as "Lyn." I started joking with them and telling them they had finally followed my advice and named the baby Jacqueline, a recurring joke among my host family for the past month. My normally cheerful host mother's face immediately became somber, without the faintest hint of her normal sprightliness. "Yes, we did." She continued to tell me that by naming the baby Jacqueline, the family will not miss me as much and that she will have one daughter, Nisa (my Kmai name), in America, and another, Sokjacqueline, at home. As much as I tried to hold back my tears (crying is a cultural faux pas here), I just couldn't. The tears came flowing, along with waterfalls from the eyes of my host mother and sister.

Sometimes (ok, many times) us Peace Corps volunteers wonder what we're doing here. Have we made an impact? Has it been a waste of time? The trite aphorism that is pushed upon us by Peace Corps staff and former Peace Corps volunteers is "You really just don't know what kind of an impact you have had until much later on." We half-realize this, roll our eyes a little bit, and secretly think, "No, not for me. I am gonna SEE my impact. I totally am." At least at the beginning. As time goes on, you start to realize reality is piercing your naivete and idealism as the days creep forward. Maybe I haven't made any impact. I am teaching and simultaneously learning, but where is my impact? Why am I not seeing results?

And then someone names a child after you. Then you meet up with a former student who tells you that despite everyone around them cheating, they were able to take their exam and rely on their own wits instead of bribing a teacher. Your co-teachers tell you how much you will be missed and that they wish you had another year to work together and attend wedding parties and dance Kmai style. Your host sister decides to move to Phnom Penh to study because she finally has received the praise and encouragement that her family somehow missed showering upon her. There is your impact that you were so furiously in search of, and the best part is you have no idea how far it might extend.

Saving the world? No way. Although I constantly hear this phrase linked to Peace Corps volunteers, it mistakenly conjures up Mother Theresa-like imagery or Ghandi hunger strikes. That's not what we're doing nor should it be. But making an impact? Each of us has definitely been able to do that, even if it may be through a simple conversation or two. Furthermore, the impact that has been imparted on us is something that no other experience could teach us. It's through these kinds of lessons that we become more tolerant, culturally-sensitive, and appreciative of the beauty of humankind, yet aware of the vices that often coincide.

"You really just don't know what kind of an impact you have had until much later on." The best truism I've ever heard.

Baby 'Lucky' and the end of school

Two months early and only 2 kilos, my host mother gave birth to a healthy baby girl on May 29th. What is her name? Well the title of this post would suggest she is named 'Lucky' which ironically would be a very unlucky name. But the good news is that she is not named Lucky. This is just a temporary placeholder while my host family waits for the drunken grandfather to give her a name, a tradition that my host family has followed for all of the other four kids. Problem is that he's been too drunk to name her. So while we wait for the name, my host mom has been calling the baby Lucky, which I guess is some kind of Kmai humor that I don't really get, as Lucky is a common name for dogs here. Speaking of things I don't get....

The baby wasn't bathed for a few days so I kept asking when she was going to be bathed, to which my host mom responded tomorrow. So finally bath time came, with the assistance of a midwife. But the baby was not bathed in water- she was bathed in ICY COLD Anchor beer! I couldn't believe my eyes and am pretty sure my jaw dropped to the floor because my sister told me "You must think some Kmai traditions are very strange." I think I managed to gather my words and mumble "A little bit" in response. Apparently bathing babies in beer is supposed to ensure beautiful skin for the baby. Um, I don't know much about babies, but I am pretty sure that bathing them in beer is not a good idea nor guarantees nice skin for the baby in the future. Then there are other things that are absolutely ridiculous and make no sense, like my host mom telling me she can't eat bananas for 3 months because she will die. Urban legends run amok.

Last week was my last week of school! I had a small goodbye/end of school year party with some of my students, which was really nice. Everyone brought snacks to share and we listened to some American music on my ipod/speakers and said our goodbyes. It was definitely a bittersweet moment, but I am ready to be done with teaching, especially teaching English. Among shouts of "Goodluck cher" and "Don't forget me," one student told me "I wish good luck and you have a boyfriend soon." Yes sir, you and me both.





I have friends coming to visit in less than a month, a trip to Bangkok in a few weeks, and about 5 weeks left in Cambodia overall. WOW WOW WOW. It's almost all over.

COS Conference

Last week I was in PP for K3's Close of Service(COS) Conference. For three days we learned about medical checkout procedures, forms that need to be filled out, transitioning back to the U.S. (which included everything from not breaking down and crying when you go to the grocery store to how to get a job using non-competitive eligibility), and seeing many PCV's for the last time. I'd have to say the most daunting part of it all was receiving my little kit to complete the required pooping in a cup medical procedure that all of us have to do in order to successfully check out. Just when I thought my life couldn't be any more grody, I have to poop in a cup, let it sit for a week and then travel to PP with it. Gross.

It felt great to make it to this huge milestone! We started out with 44 volunteers and we are down to 30 who will actually complete their service. Crazy, huh? The U.S. embassy had a 50th anniversary celebration for Peace Corps on my birthday, so all the volunteers went and we were showered with compliments from the ambassador, our country director and Kmai staff from the Department of Education. Despite some of the cheesy catchphrases that were tossed around, I always enjoy hearing praise for Peace Corps because I think it's an exemplary organization that bridges cultural understanding to all parts of the world. With all the budget cuts in the U.S. government, it's a shame that an organization as amazing as Peace Corps has fallen victim to these slashes, despite it's already pitiful annual budget of $400 million. Contrast that with the $150-250 million per day being spent in Iraq and it's enough to make your head spin.

Here are some pics from COS, including our group photo and a few from our COS pool party!

Follow-up

This past week, the five girls from my school who participated in Camp GLOW (Sreyleak, Sopheak, Neary, Somros and Sreynet) gave an awesome presentation about leadership skills to 20 girls at my high school. They began planning during Camp GLOW and planned the rest entirely on their own; they created presentation materials, made handouts, bought snacks, and practiced their presentation together before the actual presentation. It was really awesome to see them in front of the class, using some of those very same techniques they learned during Camp GLOW. I was so proud of them and was also excited to see other girls really interested and participatory throughout the presentation. Afterwards, I congratulated them on a job well done and they were absolutely beaming! I'm hoping the information will continue to spread, but even if it doesn't, I know at least five empowered girls in Svay Rieng who can effectively give a presentation and provide examples of leadership. And that is more than enough for me.

On a separate note, I got an email from CamTESOL today that a presentation some other volunteers and I gave back in February was voted in the top 10 "Most Enjoyable" presentations out of 278 total! We presented our materials development project, which consisted of supplementary English teaching manuals for lower and upper secondary English teachers in Cambodia, which we also distributed to attendees for free. We spent a lot of time and effort making those manuals with the hope that they can make English teaching more effective AND enjoyable. It feels great to get some positive feedback on a project that was a huge undertaking and pain in the ass for many many months.

Everything else is the same as usual, although it's really freaking hot. I'll be in AC in PP most of next week, so that is how I am getting myself through these hot flashes (and I thought those weren't supposed to come for another 30 years!). Here are some pics from the girls' leadership presentation:

GLOW Pics

Although I'm about a month late on these, here are some pics from Camp GLOW, which we held March 25th-27th here in Svay Rieng Province (see previous post about Camp GLOW to learn more about it). Enjoy!

75 days

That's how much time I've got left in Cambodia. As much as I keep telling myself I can't believe it, you'd think I'd believe it by now. I guess I am so focused on studying and planning my big post-Peace Corps trip to be thinking about it all, which is probably a good thing.

Really not much news to report. The Thais and the Cambodians are fighting again near Preah Vihear (literally on the opposite side of the country, so no safety concerns in my neck of the rice paddies; well unless you count the always dangerous navigation through Cambodian traffic a safety concern). They are fighting over this temple and who has the rights to it. If you google it, you can find more info about it. Apparently a cease fire was reached today, so that's good news for now. Until it all starts all over again. I am hoping it doesn't start back up again until after I leave the country so I won't get anymore of our safety and security officer's multiple updates via text everyday.

Um, it's hot here. Per usual. I am studying for my upcoming test. Per usual. I am eating lots of rice. Per usual.

I've got a Close of Service (COS) conference coming up in mid-May, so I'll be heading to Phnom Penh for that. I think it involves talking about the transition back home and reverse-culture shock (is that really gonna happen to me?), reports we have to fill out, medical/dental checkups that we have to do, and probably (unfortunately) skits that no one really wants to do. I am pretty sure that I will be diagnosed with a latent bout of something nasty, as my digestive system hasn't been normal pretty much since I stepped off the plane almost 2 years ago (sorry if that's TMI, but it's the life of a Peace Corps volunteer. This blog is tame when compared to the normal bodily discussions I have with fellow volunteers). I'll also be in PP with all the other volunteers for my birthday, which should be fun!

And that's about all that I have to report. I've been following this whole attack of the 'birthers' situation in the U.S., as certain birdbrained Americans have diverted their frustrations and ignorance to accusations questioning Obama's citizenship. REALLY? To borrow a recent outburst from a certain lackluster politician I find especially repugnant, "Come on! It's time to grow up!" I have a sneaking suspicion these people identify themselves with the Tea Party movement, those who mistakenly believe that we can lower the deficit without increasing taxes, yet scoff at even the hint of cuts in the Defense budget. Don't even get me started on their Originalist interpretation of the Constitution...

If you don't like taxes, I'd highly advise moving to Cambodia or another developing country where people don't pay any taxes. You can stop your bitching and simultaneously figure out how to deal with crime, health issues, environmental hazards, education, public infrastructure, and retirement because you'll be solving it all on your own, without government help, along with millions of others in crushing poverty. Good luck with that!